Few days back, with someone feeble, I had a discussion on something. His words triggered anger in me. Before I could control, my anger became apparent through my words and behavior. More than his words, I didn't appreciate my behavior of losing control over myself. His words, though not favorable to me, were also not harmful for me.
Then why did I get angry:
May be because,
1) His words challenged my perceived position of thoughts and correctness.
2) I didn't like the way he talked and I took it as an effort to undermine my intellectual strength, superiority and position.
But was my anger justified?
I don't think so...
I am not intellectualizing this scenario.
Here are some of the reasons why we become angry:
- Our perceived intellectual/spiritual/religious strength/superiority over others is challenged by someone's direct or implied behavior and action.
- Our actual position on anything is challenged and undermined by someone's direct or implied behavior or action.
- We or anyone close (actual and assumed- religious/sports/group/affiliation etc.) to us is threatened to be harmed or actually harmed by direct or implied behavior or action of someone.
While last two points are not rarity, but there percentage in our anger outbursts are very limited. We often react/respond to perceptual positions of different parties, which has no strength and position to take our life in any direction, especially the negative, until and unless we make it take us there.
I dedicated good amount of time to ponder over it and find what should I do in this situation and I got following answers:
1) Don't embody the moment and actions which triggers anger; it is not the matter of your existence.
2) Don't define yourself with the moment; you are much bigger than that.
3) Listen, analyse and appreciate, opposition's points, take few deep breath with smile and move away from the scene if you can do so.
4) If you don't have the option to walk away , then listen and appreciate the points raised the your opposition, take few deep breath, remember point no. 1 and 2 and then answer in measured words.
5) When you are replied back, then folllw point no. 1,2 and 4. This may not be the correct way, but I have started following it.
Please do write your feedback.
You may find this article also useful: How to succeed in the time of conflict